Okay, for all of you who come in and tell us your traffic citation/DUI horror stories, here are my Top Ten Thing Not To Say To The Police:
10. Officer, I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer for a sec.
9. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
8. Wow, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me. Those cop cars are really fast, huh?
7. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
6. You know, I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
5. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
4. You really ARE a cop?? Here I thought I was pulled over by one of the Village People.
3. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
2. I'm not as thunk as you drink I am.
1. Well, officer, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, I spilled my beer and my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control. Sorry.
Seriously, people - when you're on the road, as Randy Newman says: "Keep your business clean."
